Smile Through the Storm

I decided I needed to start writing somewhere. Anywhere. I feel like my thoughts are so trapped inside my head. There are very few people that I can talk about the miscarriage with in real life. Very few. So I hope that this blog will grant me a little more sanity.

When thinking about what to name this blog, I really had no idea what to call it. Finally, I decided on Smile Through the Storm. It might sound a little weird right now because honestly, I barely feel like smiling most of the time. But, I am going to try to smile through this huge storm. I deserve happiness. I do. It's just hard for me to smile through my trials. So, that's my goal.

For now though, I'm just going to complain. I'm going to tell you (my new best friend) all of my fears. All of my worries. And, of course, all of my pain and sadness.


April 2, 2009 was the hardest day of my life so far, hands down. I have never felt so much emotional and physical pain before. I wanted those babies so badly. I needed them. I really feel like a part of me left with those precious little babies. I am not the same person I was before getting pregnant with them. Not even close.

Some days, I feel like I will be able to move on. I feel like my future is bright. I'm excited to get up and start a new day. Others aren't so great.

Sometimes, I feel so down on myself that I truly convince myself that I will never get pregnant again. And, even if I do, I feel like I will never carry the baby full term. What a bad attitude. Knock some sense into me, please?